Adderall Addict = Shopping Addict

My Adderall addiction sparked a new and pricier addiction...

Ever since I was in middle school, shopping was a hobby of mine. I mean, I was employed as a personal shopper for over two years, so I guess you could say it was actually a skill…but, something happened in 2017 and I lost control of my capacity to keep my card in my wallet. By this time, Adderall and I had been besties for about four years. We’d been through a lot and I thought we knew each other pretty well, until things took a turn towards bankruptcy, if you know what I’m saying. Looking back, I wish I could pinpoint what it was exactly that ignited all that was My Shopping Addiction, but I can only speculate. To be honest, I was no stranger to spending issues. I experienced previous issue$ when I lived with my father in 2012 and literally had no money because it all went towards food to feed my bulimia.

If I had to point a finger at what caused my shopping addiction in 2017 (other than that of Adderall pills on top of Adderall pills), my intuition tells me it was that because I was making the most money I was ever accustomed to and saving was never a concept that I had learned previously. I knew what it meant and had heard people recommend doing it, but I had always only made enough to live paycheck to paycheck, so it was a cycle I repeated and didn’t know any better. I just spent what I had and if I wanted something expensive, then I knew how to save:-) It wasn’t only that I had more money, but I also had a higher credit score, which meant more credit cards and larger credit limits. Perfect.

Another reason why I think things got so bad monetarily, was because I secluded myself and nobody really knew what I was doing, except maybe the delivery man and my roommates, who viewed multiple boxes arriving for me on the daily. Had anyone known, maybe they would have stepped in, but would I have listened? No.

To delve into what really took place, we would need to discuss my hopes and dreams as an entrepreneur. Yes, I wanted to be a Top Seller on the platform known as eBay. Which, is not a bad gig; big respect for passive income! I admire anyone who can make it work, but I was in an Adderall infused la-la-land where I thought I could sell anything for a decent profit. My plan was to thrift at Goodwill and resell my findings. From May to August of 2017, I spent a few thousand dollars at Goodwill. I bought anything from vintage glassware sets to porcelain dolls (which I also thought I was going to make a TV show, with me as their voice). I was all over the place; any and everything seemed like a good idea at the time and I was eager to do it all, but only if I had Adderall in my system. I traveled to as many Goodwills near my home as I could and became a “regular” - to the point I was known and not always liked, because of the mess I made while trying to find the hot deals. The store Target was also a target. I was at my $2500 limit on my Target card, so I would return things, go shopping- return things, go shopping…Until they did the unthinkable and increased my limit to $4000. Whoops.

Early summer of 2017, I was living in a mound of boxes and literal junk, because my judgment was massively hindered and I bought crap. Finally, this is where my roommate/landlord actually did step in and…he evicted me on July 7, 2017. My goals of making it big on eBay were shattered in an instant. At this point, I had fully ran out of money and could not even afford to pay my last month’s rent. I had bartered with my roommate/landlord for some of my furniture to pay rent and we called it a day. We did end things on a good note and he allowed me to store a portion of my belongings there until I was settled in somewhere. Key word, SOMEWHERE. I chose to drive across the country to New York, and six months later found out my roommate’s ex-wife stole my personal items and donated what she didn’t want. #savage

Just because I had no more money, doesn’t mean that was the end of my shopping addiction. While I was in New York I had to sell some of my jewelry for gas money, but then thrifting in New York happened. In addition, I ended up buying more Adderall, hair and eyelash extensions, paintings and watches, clothes, etc. A few months later, I received my tax money and spent it all at the Salvation Army and Goodwill. I bought things from there, only for them to go right back, when I had no choice but to donate them because I had no space to keep anything I bought because I didn’t have a home, just a car.

In July 2018, when I moved from Michigan to my mom’s house back in my hometown, it was then that I truly started to wake up and realize the magnitude of what had been going on. By this point, I had experienced a psychotic episode that landed me in the mental hospital (thanks Adderall) in Michigan, but thankfully it turned me sober. Instead of Adderall, I was prescribed the bipolar medication Vraylar, which brought me down, down, down. Vraylar took away my enthusiasm for life, let alone shopping. It was my darkest period. From there, I relapsed three times, but interestingly enough, I had zero interest in shopping. I can’t say why, because I have no idea, but I am thankful. Now, I mostly spend my money on my furbabies and food that nourishes me.

How did I bounce back from my shopping addiction? Unfortunately, I couldn’t. I had to file Chapter 13 bankruptcy in June 2019 for the $30,000+ I managed to accrue in debt. It’s not something I am proud of, but when the payments I made were less than the amount of monthly interest I was being charged per card, it was something I knew I had to do. The ramifications of my shopping addiction is something that I will have to live with for at least the next five years, as it will still appear on my credit report.

Guess what? I finally learned how to save and have been doing so since February 2019. I do NOT have any credit cards and am not planning on getting any. My car lease was up in November 2019 and thankfully I was approved for a car loan, but other than that, I’m keeping a low profile.

Shopping addiction and Adderall addiction were not easy to overcome. If you or someone you know is dealing with addiction, know you are not alone- there is hope and you can recover. Please call SAMHSA - the national helpline for mental/substance disorders at 1-800-662-4357 which is free of charge and always available to talk.

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